this is my avenue

Sunday, October 15, 2006

[[ this is what i want to say. ]]

hmm.. sometimes i wonder.. am i realli a bad friend? like the kind of friend who abandons their friends when in need?
sometimes i feel i am.. but then when i look back.. who was ever there for me when i was down.. ok, mayb its also my fault that im not realli the tell-it-all kinda person.. but then like should people understand im not at the best of my mood? or that im angry with them for some reason or not.. if i realli wanna be mad at them i can u know.. its just that i chose not too...
i get ridiculed and scolded sometimes for being crazy and hmm, over? but i thought u knew me?! isnt that who i am.. im just lidat.. i can be serious.. but then y would u want to see someone serious rather than being fun and crazy.. then like sometimes i feel im just the "extra" in my circle of frens.. as someone once said to me, im insignificant..
dont try to say im not or try "console" me.. im better at judging others.. i know when ur angry.. i know when ur down.. and i try to be understanding and take criticism to stride.. but when im down or angry, no one realli can tell.. that's frustrating.. and u people say u people are sensitive.. sensitive my ass!.. seriously.. aiyah.. sometimes i feel only got one person i can depend on..even though sometimes that person makes me more mad than ever, but at least the only person who understands me well enuff i guess.. i must say i am a complicated person.. a split personality mayb, but wadever it is.. i expect my frens to understand me.. is that too much to ask?
and i realli cannot stand it when they keep things from me.. as if like im not in the place to know.. if been through with yall so much.. and if this is how i get treated sometimes i realli dont know who the real buds ar..
if yall are my acquaintances i dont mind.. we're just hi-bye frens.. not close or gd frens..

i really dont understand people nowadays.. i dont care as much as i am concerned.. if u think i am important enuff well gd for u.. if not.. dont bother me at all...

*peace out*

this is my avenue

[[ this is what i want to say. ]]

this is my avenue

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

[[ this is what i want to say. ]]

hey yall..
i just realised that i didnt blog about my Westlife Face to Face Singapore Tour that i went on the 8th of September 2006!!..
k so, now i will blog almost all about it!.. haha.. that is if i can rmb every second that happened..

hmm, ok.. so, i went to the Westlife Concert on the 8th of Sept, Friday nite.. i thought i was late.. so i went out ard 6 plus.. i took the train to the indoor stadium mrt there.. then took a cab from there to the venue.. im a noob at concerts.. so i dont know how to go.. anw, hmm, on the train i met sabri.. my brother! man.. it was such a joyful occasion like that.. i was shocked to see him.. but happy at the same time.. i haven seen him in a loooong time.. and we were in the same circle of frens who see each other everyday.. so u can imagine how i was.. he was also lost for words.. that's y i say.. no matter how long u dont see ur secondary skul frens.. they will still have that kinda reaction when u meet.. and that's that special thing that makes u smile..
anw, then, took a cab to the venue.. it was so special for me.. my first concert and its one of my favourite boybands of all time!.. im a big fan of pop music.. and being a 90's kid.. u grow up listening to the likes of Westlife, Backstreet Boys and N'sync.. so when i was queuing up to go inside.. i was so nervous.. didnt know wad to expect.. oh ya btw, i went there alone.. no one wanted to go.. its a once in a lifetime thing.. u nv know when they will be back... and ur not willing to go.. well, im not that stupid.. i just HAD to go no matter wad..

went inside the indoor stadium.. bought light stick and drinks.. quite ex the drinks inside.. haha.. ok, so entered the door.. went to find my seat.. i was gonna sit next to 3 JC girls.. i not so sure wad JC though, i think mayb its Shu Ying's JC.. anw, they are gd looking i might add! btw, u know how they say in the terms and condition that u cannot bring camera or recording things.. i realli realli thought u cannot bring.. so i didnt bring.. and to my surprise..i can say 80% in attendance brought camera la.. stupid stupid me!..throughout the concert i realli wanted to approach the girls and ask them whether they could be kind enuff to send me the pictures later on.. but as usual i was too scared to ask.. and lost the biggest chance to hold memories of that nite.. to me pictures are more than paper.. they are everlasting memories..
it was kinda awkward sitting along amogst groups of people.. everyone seemed like they had people to converse to and to share the excitement with.. but i was by myself.. i felt alone.. i felt vulnerable.. and people who know me should know that i had being alone amongst people.. but for Westlife i just had to endure..
so then they came out with their first number "Flying Without Wings"... i was star-struck, in awe, speechless and every kind of freaking emotions u can feel at once!.. i was sooo excited to see them, LIVE!!!!!!.. they were literally ard 10 metres or less away from me!.. i thought to myself throughout the performance that i should have put in an extra 20 bucks to get the BEST seats in the house.. damnit..
being an outrageous fan, i knew almost all the songs that nite.. and it was more of a sing-a-long session with me and the REAL singers.. OMG, their voices were amazing!!!.. shane and mark's voice were unimaginably perfect.. it was like listening to the CD.. they are truly the REAL deal.. there is no doubt about that.. their voice echoed throughtout the stadium and the constant catchy chorus that everyone seem to know and was singing that nite made the atmostphere unforgettable!

the highlight of the nite for me was the time when they did the Michael Jackson impersonation with "She's Back/ Billie Jean".. i was literally at the edge of my seats.. if there is another singer who i am more crazy about other than Westlife, would be Michael Jackson!!!.. the moment that recognisable first beats to the song was played.. i was totally amazed.. and they were dressed the MJ way.. with the gloves and the hat!.. people around me was like " eh eh, michael jackson song.. was song ar wad song." i just wanted to slap them in the face.. HELLO?! how can anyone not know.. i was singing along like i was the only person in the stadium.. the guy who sat next to me, occasionally gave me the shocked look.. cus i was realli quiet sitting in my seat.. only until they came out..
song after song i was truly a fan that nite.. singing and joining the crowds as our voices echoed through the arena in unison.. and me, getting excited and acting like a kid in a candy shop, whenever any member of the band came to my side and waved.. hahaha.. and with the light stick waving, trying to gain their attention.. hahaa.. and kian even waved and smiled.. directly in my direction..
if anyone who knows me, im obsessed with music.. and im obsessed with Mariah Carey, MJ, Westlife, Beyonce, etc.. they are my idols.. so, wouldnt it only be right if i were to get over excited if i were to get the chance to see and wave at them.. WHO WOULDNT!..

3/4 throught the concert.. they said goodbye.. and that's where the whole stadium was rumbling with the phrase " WE WANT MORE! WE WANT MORE!".. i know that that this kinda things usually happen in concerts where the performer will come back for an encore.. and i was praying for one!.. so then they came out.. busting their hit songs.. it was a moment where i just serenade into Westlife's golden classics.. songs which i grew up listening to.. it was realli touching and their performance was impeccable in my opinion.. i have nv been to their concert bfore.. but this one made all the waiting worth while...

the concert showcased their classics and also their new hits.. one of which was "Amazing"... perfect singing on their behalf.. ive alwaez admired the TRUE artiste who's voice and talent surpass everyone else's.. who goes inside the recording studio, sings, and who doesnt need much vocal editing.. these are the artistes who i try to mimic whenever i sing.. and hell, i love to sing.. that's for sure..

all in all.. that Friday night, the 8th September 2006 could perhaps be THE most memorable night of my life.. the most memorable happy night of my life.. i came out of the stadium with a huge smile on my face.. oblivious to my surrounding... and their voices and songs were playing in my head...
i didnt regret anything.. after that i didnt care if i had gone alone or with frens.. cus sometimes u cannot realli depend on anyone for anything.. u still need urself.. and that's wad ive learnt.. and i came home and planted a big kiss for my mom who gave me the chance to go witness to my favourite band's concert that nite!.. and i thnk her for that..

nothing could describe that experience.. the wk's worth of bad happenings were forgotten after that great, once in a lifetime, amazing performance by the impeccable group, Westlife...

*peace out*
great things come once in a while..
take the chance
before you wont be able to..
enjoy it, live it...

this is my avenue

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

[[ this is what i want to say. ]]

hmm.. was reading syaz's blog just now.. the latest post..
it makes sense.. alot of it does.. y haven i been calling my frens?? cus im worried that i call at the wrong time.. moreover, my frens have their own commitments.. yana, nas to skul.. and syaz to her bf... and my other frens.. just dont go out.. that's the problem.. im not saying that they are selfish to have commitments... i understand.. but like sometimes, when im happy or wadever and people are having problems in skul or wadever, i dont think itll be nice for me to "share" my joy at that point of time..
i dont realli talk to a few of my frens nowadays.. and i feel guilty.. cus they've been my best fren since sec 1.. its just that i feel i feel that i screwed my chances of rekindling our frenship..
wad im trying to say is that.. even though i dont call u, i dont sms u, or i dont chat with u online.. it doesnt mean that ive forgotten about u.. or that im angry with u.. its just that i, like u, is waiting for u to call or sms me.. so both ways, we feel like the other person is ignoring the other one.. u get it?
even if im angry.. i will find the reasons deep inside and try to understand the situation and i wont hold the grudge for long.. u all know me.. i hope.......

anw, another gd point that was in syaz's blog was about relationship.. its like no matter who my fren is.. or where im reading about.. if its about relationship.. there is alwaez that commitment problem and that over sensitive and protective problem.. i dont understand y someone can get overly jealous? or overprotective of their partner.. to the extent of hurting them.. esp when it comes to frens..
i alwaez have this stand.. that if ever id get in a relationship.. i must not let that get in the way of my relationship with my frens.. firstly, u know ur frens longer.. and sometimes, ur frens know everything about you.. they know u inside out.. and i tink their status in ur bks should be higher.. that is just how i feel.. mayb u all might think its easy for me to say like this.. and think that i will do the opposite... but i reckon.. my frens are too important..u may know that person for a long time and love that person alot.. but u know ur frens LONGER and loved ur frens MORE...
just think about it..

if u think about it.. ur frens will bring u anger and sadness sometimes.. but most of the time, the only thing u have with ur frens is fun and happiness.. its different.. even more different than ur relationship with ur siblings.. like for me, i dont talk to my siblings.. so i feel closer to my frens than my sisters.. tts y..

anw, different people different perspective...

also, syaz wrote about how she hates changes.. yeah, i know u do girl.. i hate changes more than u.. the transition i hate to make from sec 2 to sec 3 was realli sad and emotional.. andthe one from sec 4 to out of skul poly is worst.. honestly, i cried during prom.. i was sad.. sad cause i thought i wont be seeing my frens as much as i did.. and its true.. prom was the worst day i had to go thru.. i didnt want sec skul to end.. i didnt want to see LESS of my frens... as i was shaking hands with the teachers and my frens i slowly started to tear up..until i couldnt hold back and i cried.. like a baby.. i was sad.. it was like losing my family.. my family of 4 yrs.. the teachers and the frens... who were so important in moulding me.. my heart sank that nite.. and thinking of it makes me wanna cry all over again.. cus i can recall exactly wad happened.. to my sec skul frens reading this.. i realli and honestly miss u guys.. =(

and now, next sem, we're changing class!.. i hate this.. not only wont i see the fun people i had in my class.. i had to make new frens.. that sucks.. y cant poly just let us stick with our own class.. or separate us earlier.. when we werent so attached and close!.. i hate this.. its sad to know that next sem when i come to skul i wont be seeing my classmates, but ill be seeing unknown people.. i hate it.. i hate reality.. that's y i find comfort in dream.. in dream where my world is perfectly how i want it to be..

everytime i listen to songs about frens and stuff, im reminded of u guys.. the people who were more to me than my frens.. you were like my family.. a family i nv had.. but a family ill alwaez treasure in my heart...

YOU'VE GOT A FRIEND
[CAROLE KING]

When you're down and troubled
And you need some loving care
And nothing, nothing is going right
Close your eyes and think of me
And soon I will be there
To brighten up even your darkest night

You just call out my name
And you know wherever I am
I'll come running to see you again
Winter, spring, summer or fall
All you have to do is call
And I'll be there
You've got a friend

If the sky above you
Grows dark and full of clouds
And that old north wind begins to blow
Keep your head together
And call my name out loud
Soon you'll hear me knocking at your door

You just call out my name
And you know wherever I am
I'll come running to see you
Winter, spring, summer or fall
All you have to do is call
And I'll be there

Ain't it good to know that you've got a friend
When people can be so cold
They'll hurt you, and desert you
And take your soul if you let them
Oh, but don't you let them

You just call out my name
And you know wherever I am
I'll come running to see you again
Winter, spring, summer or fall
All you have to do is call
And I'll be there
You've got a friend

this song's for u guys..
till i post again.. that's for today.. bye.. take care all..

*peace out*